420 ftw
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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