The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
