I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
