dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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