How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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