Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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