I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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