Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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