Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
