if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
