Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
