I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
