I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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