she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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