this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His nipple licking is glorious
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