I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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