Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
