kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
