Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A bitchslap is in order.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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