Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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