sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
