I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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