I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
