Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
