ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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