Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
