I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
