Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
