I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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