you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
