Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Randomize
