she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
