I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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