im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
