I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
