I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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