either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
