she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
