you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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