You're so nebulous sometimes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
