i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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