She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
