i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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