If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
