The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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