I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
