apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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