i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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