Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
