Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His hands were made for my vagina.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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