if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
